Landon Austin tonight/How not to host a talent show

   Pitt Greensburg welcomes pop star Landon Austin tonight in Furguson Theater.  SAB held an open mic night last week, and voted on the best performer, who gets to open for Landon.

   April Leon and her accompanist won the overall competition.  While I'm not diminishing Aprils accomplishment or talent, SAB handling of the open mic night was awkward to say the least.

   As with most open mic nights, SAB did not hold a sign-up to try out.  Holding a sign-up could have attracted more performers, as signing up ensures everyone gets a designated time to try out.  Performers were reluctant to assert they way to the stage.  As a result, a select few acts monopolized the stage.

   The event was also a free-for-all.  No time or song limits were given.  Moreover, some of the more desperate performers hogged the stage for multiple songs as voters streamed out of the room.  Some of the performers were bad with a capital suck.  Where was Simon when you need him?

   SAB held the the try outs in the Coffee house, as they do with most open mic nights. Such a small, intimate venue may encourage more performers to try out, SAB failed to accommodate at least half the voters who resorted to standing in the hallway of Village Hall.

   However, SAB's biggest misstep was not keeping a master list of the performers.  Voters wrote in their pick and drop it in a ballot box.  By the end of the night, most performers names were forgotten and the remaining voters selected the only performer they remembered:  the last one to take the stage.

   Wanting to see how the votes were distributed, I asked the hosts to see where they tallied the votes.  They had already thrown the sheet away.  No announcement made to the winner, save for a whisper after the room cleared out.

   While I'm not diminishing April's ability, no doubt the awkward way in which the event was handled effected the results.  I believe SAB should have instituted a panel of judges rather than let a room full of clueless college student pick a winner.

American Idol Runner-Ups: Where They Are:

Justin Guarini:  Justin finished second to Kelly Clarkson: I'd call that a victory.  Justin released a trio of albums, but nothing noteworthy.

Clay Aiken: 'You mean to tell me Clay Aiken was a runner up?  Then who won?'  Ruben won.  Despite an amazing voice, Clay has taken a lot of heat from the bashers and bigots for being gay.  Clay Aiken fared better than most Idol winners in term of resulting success and popularity.  To date, he's released a half dozen albums.  While Ruben is no slouch, having released five albums, Clay is much more memorable.

Diana DeGarmo:  Diana finished runner-up to Fantasia Burrito.  To date, she released three "albums" that produced one charted single.  Fantasia recorded a platinum selling record.  You made the right choice, America.

Bo Bice:  Bo is in the same boat as Justin:  He finished runner-up to a superstar.  Bo finished second to Carrie Underwood.  Bo continued recording and performing with his band before his record label dropped him.  What a shame. Idol hates fielding rockers like Bo.

Nanny Katharine McPhee:  In what I consider to be Idol's Golden Year, Katharine lost to Taylor Hicks.  However, her final songs were noteworthy:  Katharine's rendition of "Black Horse and Cherry Tree" resurrected the song's popularity.  She also covered Queen's "Who Wants to Live Forever."  It was good, but I'm not impressed.  Katharine went on to release a slew of successful albums and landed a few acting roles.  What did Taylor "touch of gray" Hicks do?  He released three singles and fell into obscurity. 

Season 5 also saw the rise of Chris Daughtry, Kellie Pickler and Eliot Yamin.  Now you see why I call it the "Golden Year."

Blake Lewis:  Who can forget the annoying, spikey-headed beat boxer who lost to Jordin Sparks?  I blame him for dubstep.  However, his compilation of the Bee Gee's "How Deep is Your Love" during Hollywood week is among the best the week's ever seen.  So, what's Blakey up to now?  He charted six singles and released two albums and an EP.

David Archuleta:  Archuleta lost the Battle of the Davids to David Cook.  The hair-less faced, lost member of the Jonas Brothers.  David is more memorably for being the cutie with the big voice moreso than the runner-up who did something important.  Like most of other Idols, he released a few average albums and a Christmas collection.

Adam Lambert:  Oh, Adam.  You're my guilty pleasure (in a completely heterosexual sense, in case Kylee is reading.)  Adam Lambert gets my vote to be Freddie Mercury's successor as the best male voice in music.  No wonder Queen asked him to front their follow-up tour to Return of the Champions.  He sings circles around Paul Rodgers.  A dozen charted singles later, it's safe to say he surpassed Kris Allen in post-Idol success.

Crystal Bowersux Bowersox.  There's only one Adam Lambert, so "Sox" had pretty big shoes to fill.
She finished second fiddle to Lee Dewyze, who was one of my favorites.  She only released one noteworthy Album the bore her two singles.  Lee didn't do much, either.

Lauren Alaina:  18 year old Lauren, having lost to "baby lock that door" McCreary, hasn't had much time to make a career.  She has, however, released a few singles, making her more successful than a few fellow runner-ups.

Jessic Sanchez:  Jessica Lost to (Phillip)^2 + S.  She's 16 and just starting her music career.  Her resume includes a few National Anthems and an appearance at the Democratic National Convention.  Phillip hasn't done much.

Cancel Tests for Beibs

   Seven schools in Norway pushed their midterms back as to not interfere with any Justin Beiber concerts.  If my Chinese test couldn't be pushed back two days a year and a half ago so I could go to Uproar, by no means should anything be cancelled for a JB concert.

Top 10 Best Covers of Queen Songs

   Queen is the greatest band ever.

   You can't find a band that spans more genres, sounds and generations than Queen.  Not only did they have the greatest male vocalist of all time, they had two other lead singers playing instruments in Brian May and Roger Taylor.  Each member brought something different to the table in terms of song writing as well.  Almost every artist will cite Queen as a great influence somewhere down the line.

  Without further adieu,  here is my top 10 list of the best Queen covers:

10: Valensia covering My Fairy King:  This song is obscure.  What would make Valensia want to cover it? The original recording is crisp and beautiful.  Valensia made it driving, powerful and overdubbed it to hell and back.  He gets bonus points for picking a song off of Queen's eponymous album.

9: Stevie Ann covering One Year of Love:  Who the hell is Stevie Ann?  Good question.  I never heard of her until I compiled this list.  Her cover is simple, sweet and laid back.  Dare I say it has a charming country feel to it?

8: Nine Inch Nails covering Get Down Make Love:  A YouTube user put it the best: "Queen made it sensual and hot. Nine Inch Nails makes it smoldering and sexy. So cool."  NIN also succeeded in completely molesting and perverting the song en route to making it beautiful.  

7: Lynch Mob covering Tie Your Mother Down:  Queen was an inspiration to many hair-metal bands.  Lynch Mob, a lesser known hair band did perhaps the best cover of Tie Your Mother Down (most of the headbangers did the same song anyway.)

6: Breaking Benjamin covering Who Wants to Live Forever:  Lose the suits and cut out the orchestra, the kettle drum and all the pretentious candles, and you get this wonderful, stripped-down cover.  I wish it had more Breaking Benjamin-esque harmonies.

5: Dwight Yoakum covering Crazy Little Thing Called Love:  He's so ugly, but this cover is creative.  Yoakam puts a 50's rockabilly swing to this Queen song and it works.  Freddie wasn't too pretty either.

4: Montserrat Cabelle and Bruce Dickinson covering Bohemian Rhapsody:  "How the hell did those two get together?" This is the same Bruce Dickinson from British metal giant Iron Maiden.  His soaring, tremulous voice is a beautiful complement to Montserrat Cabelle's operatic range.

3: Metallica covering Stone Cold Crazy:  Why can't all of Metallica's songs be under two minutes?  Stone Cold Crazy was a unique Queen song for its length (or lack-thereof) and its heaviness.  This song was such perfect fit for James Hetfield and co. that they won a Grammy for it.

2: My Chemical Romance and The Used covering Under Pressure: Though I remember this cover being played to death on the radio, it's the undisputed best studio cover of any Queen (and David Bowie) song.  MCR and the Used dedicated the live version of this song to the victims of the 2004 tsunami.

1: George Michael covering Somebody to Love (live):  The ultimate tribute to the late Freddie Mercury.  George Michael's cover is passionate, he hit the high note, (though not the run) and the choir of swaying, "praise-thuh-lawd" women to his back make for the best Queen cover.

Top 5 Sellouts of this Century

   Few things enrage music fans than seeing their favorite bands sellout.  Sales decline, record companies get impatient and artists get bored and the end result is a different, more mainstream musical direction.

5. Gwen Stefani/No Doubt:  When No Doubt was in their rock/ska/pop prime, Gwen Stefani was anything but sexy.  At times, one might mistake her for a man.  Years later into her solo career, she's shaking her ass. I blame American culture to a degree:  It isn't kind to homely women.

4. The Offspring:  How the hell did Noodles and the bunch go from "Why Don't You Get a Job" and "The Kids Aren't Alright" to the teary-eyed ballad "Kristy Are You Doing OK" and harmonic "Days Go By?"  There's no punk left in The Offspring.

3. Black Eyed Peas:  I don't think the Black Eyed Peas ever produced quality music.  Fans of the artist, and I use the term artist loosely, bemoan their The E.N.D album and their departure from hip-hop.

2. Green Day:  Years ago, I told my sister, a contemporary Green Day fan, "if they would have changed their  name and created a distinct separation from their old work, I would accept American Idiot."  Instead, Green Day's subject matter turned from smoking weed and jerking off to deeper, political topics between 2000 and 2004.

1. Linkin Park:  When I had a column in the Norwin Knight Krier, I ripped their new album apart.  Minutes to Midnight marked the end of the rapcore, synth driven, edgy sound of Meteora and Hybrid Theory and the  beginning of crowd pleasing ballads like Leave out All The Rest.  Their most recent album, 10,000 Suns appeals further to the masses and is complete shit.

Zune with the Wind

  Consider the word "Zune."  What comes to mind?  Archaic? Flop? 

   Microsoft released the "Zune," their best stab at an MP3 player seven or eight years ago.  It was thick, angular, black plastic device: Microsoft's "antiPod." The famous iPod wheel was a "squirkle," the Zune had a few more buttons, and the display was much darker.  The screws were prominant and the angles were sharp. Much to everyone's surprise, the Zune never took off. 

   Consumers continued buying iPods and Zune sales continued to lag until Zune introduced the Zune HD, desiged to compete with the iPod Touch.

   The HD was a complete failure and it marked the end of the Zune, as Microsoft discontinued their famous flop a few years ago.

   Why did it fail?  Did it suck that bad? 

   I owned two Zunes.  A first gen one like this:

And a second gen one like this:

   I also owned two iPod Touches.  One was stolen and I sold the other.  The Zunes were ok.  I felt so edgy being the only kid without an iPod.  Neither Zune outclassed the iPod.  My first Zune refused to turn on for some bizzarre reason, so I upgraded.  The new Zune worked for a few months and died as well. 

 

   The Zune paled in comparison to the iPod and is a classic example of the Apple takeover.  Sales never accounted for more than eight or nine percent of the total market for portable music players.  I wouldn't be surprised if some walkmans outsold the Zune.  The only reason to ever own a Zune is to take a sale away from Apple and appear edgy to your friends.

Lil Wayne's Condition Stable

 

 

   Lil Wayne remains in intensive care following an epileptic fit last week.  Reports say he listened to his own music for the first time and began to convulse.  His condition is no longer critical, much to my chagrin.  The music world would not mourn the passing of a codeine addicted, talent-less rapper who can't even play the guitar.  We can only pray that Kanye West, the gayest fish of all time is next.

 

 

Picture courtesy of newgrounds.com