"I don't mean to be rude, but..."

   The most popular American talent show, American Idol is tumbling down Mt. Olympus and hitting every rock on the way.

   Idol debuted before the wave of inane reality shows hit and  became the most popular reality show in America, where it remained for more than a decade.  The show gained popularity as it permitted anyone to try his/her voice in front of a panel of judges in hopes of being crowned "the next American idol." Talented singers aside, viewers tuned in to see the surly British judge, Simon Cowell.

   Simon, the long lost fraternal twin of Gordon Ramsay, was infamous for his scathing criticisms and blunt honesty.  His harsh quips made the show more realistic and comedic.  Simon's brutality was often cushioned by fellow judge Paula "I don't do drugs" Abdul's liberal compliments and Randy "not part of the Jackson 5" Jackson's irrelevant, at times incoherent and unoriginal commentary.

   The trio (moreso Simon and Paula) continued interjecting occasional drama until 2010 when Cowell  jumped ship.  Afterwards, the ship hit an iceberg.  Randy remains on the show, but who cares anyway, dawg?

  Idol tried to replace the smug, wisecracking judge with a committee of washed-up singers/Ellen, listed below:

Kara DioGuardi:  She ended up being a better looking clone of Paula.  I don't recall one instance that she dealt appropriate criticism.

Ellen DeGeneres:  What the hell qualified Ellen to judge singing talent?  Her commentary was often rambling, circular and off-base.

Jennifer Lopez:  J-Lo was even nicer than Paula.  She was incapable of being mean.  She would break out in tears before she would tell a contestant that his/her voice sucked.

Steven Tyler:  Idol had to replace Simon and even Tyler's bandmates think he's an asshole.  Where did it go?  The washed up, effeminate frontman of Aerosmith treated Idol as his playground to direct off-topic, lewd and often creepy remarks towards attractive young performers.  Did I mention he looks like a grandmother?

Keith Urban:  Keith serves little purpose as a judge other than as eye candy.  He is hot, though.

Nikki Minaj:  As if her songs weren't bad enough, now we have to see the Roman ruhtard and hear her bumbling, idiotic and hormonal commentary.  On the flip side, who knows atrocious music better than Minaj?

   Idol's time in the sun is over.  Simon is irreplaceable and American Idol is adrift in a see of other bad talent shows.  Soon, a subservient Idol will bow before the X-Factor, the Voice, America's Got Talent and any other redundant shows to come out of the woodwork.

   Correction:  Mariah Carey is also a judge on American Idol.  Like most of America, I forgot she exists.