Landon Austin tonight/How not to host a talent show

   Pitt Greensburg welcomes pop star Landon Austin tonight in Furguson Theater.  SAB held an open mic night last week, and voted on the best performer, who gets to open for Landon.

   April Leon and her accompanist won the overall competition.  While I'm not diminishing Aprils accomplishment or talent, SAB handling of the open mic night was awkward to say the least.

   As with most open mic nights, SAB did not hold a sign-up to try out.  Holding a sign-up could have attracted more performers, as signing up ensures everyone gets a designated time to try out.  Performers were reluctant to assert they way to the stage.  As a result, a select few acts monopolized the stage.

   The event was also a free-for-all.  No time or song limits were given.  Moreover, some of the more desperate performers hogged the stage for multiple songs as voters streamed out of the room.  Some of the performers were bad with a capital suck.  Where was Simon when you need him?

   SAB held the the try outs in the Coffee house, as they do with most open mic nights. Such a small, intimate venue may encourage more performers to try out, SAB failed to accommodate at least half the voters who resorted to standing in the hallway of Village Hall.

   However, SAB's biggest misstep was not keeping a master list of the performers.  Voters wrote in their pick and drop it in a ballot box.  By the end of the night, most performers names were forgotten and the remaining voters selected the only performer they remembered:  the last one to take the stage.

   Wanting to see how the votes were distributed, I asked the hosts to see where they tallied the votes.  They had already thrown the sheet away.  No announcement made to the winner, save for a whisper after the room cleared out.

   While I'm not diminishing April's ability, no doubt the awkward way in which the event was handled effected the results.  I believe SAB should have instituted a panel of judges rather than let a room full of clueless college student pick a winner.

American Idol Runner-Ups: Where They Are:

Justin Guarini:  Justin finished second to Kelly Clarkson: I'd call that a victory.  Justin released a trio of albums, but nothing noteworthy.

Clay Aiken: 'You mean to tell me Clay Aiken was a runner up?  Then who won?'  Ruben won.  Despite an amazing voice, Clay has taken a lot of heat from the bashers and bigots for being gay.  Clay Aiken fared better than most Idol winners in term of resulting success and popularity.  To date, he's released a half dozen albums.  While Ruben is no slouch, having released five albums, Clay is much more memorable.

Diana DeGarmo:  Diana finished runner-up to Fantasia Burrito.  To date, she released three "albums" that produced one charted single.  Fantasia recorded a platinum selling record.  You made the right choice, America.

Bo Bice:  Bo is in the same boat as Justin:  He finished runner-up to a superstar.  Bo finished second to Carrie Underwood.  Bo continued recording and performing with his band before his record label dropped him.  What a shame. Idol hates fielding rockers like Bo.

Nanny Katharine McPhee:  In what I consider to be Idol's Golden Year, Katharine lost to Taylor Hicks.  However, her final songs were noteworthy:  Katharine's rendition of "Black Horse and Cherry Tree" resurrected the song's popularity.  She also covered Queen's "Who Wants to Live Forever."  It was good, but I'm not impressed.  Katharine went on to release a slew of successful albums and landed a few acting roles.  What did Taylor "touch of gray" Hicks do?  He released three singles and fell into obscurity. 

Season 5 also saw the rise of Chris Daughtry, Kellie Pickler and Eliot Yamin.  Now you see why I call it the "Golden Year."

Blake Lewis:  Who can forget the annoying, spikey-headed beat boxer who lost to Jordin Sparks?  I blame him for dubstep.  However, his compilation of the Bee Gee's "How Deep is Your Love" during Hollywood week is among the best the week's ever seen.  So, what's Blakey up to now?  He charted six singles and released two albums and an EP.

David Archuleta:  Archuleta lost the Battle of the Davids to David Cook.  The hair-less faced, lost member of the Jonas Brothers.  David is more memorably for being the cutie with the big voice moreso than the runner-up who did something important.  Like most of other Idols, he released a few average albums and a Christmas collection.

Adam Lambert:  Oh, Adam.  You're my guilty pleasure (in a completely heterosexual sense, in case Kylee is reading.)  Adam Lambert gets my vote to be Freddie Mercury's successor as the best male voice in music.  No wonder Queen asked him to front their follow-up tour to Return of the Champions.  He sings circles around Paul Rodgers.  A dozen charted singles later, it's safe to say he surpassed Kris Allen in post-Idol success.

Crystal Bowersux Bowersox.  There's only one Adam Lambert, so "Sox" had pretty big shoes to fill.
She finished second fiddle to Lee Dewyze, who was one of my favorites.  She only released one noteworthy Album the bore her two singles.  Lee didn't do much, either.

Lauren Alaina:  18 year old Lauren, having lost to "baby lock that door" McCreary, hasn't had much time to make a career.  She has, however, released a few singles, making her more successful than a few fellow runner-ups.

Jessic Sanchez:  Jessica Lost to (Phillip)^2 + S.  She's 16 and just starting her music career.  Her resume includes a few National Anthems and an appearance at the Democratic National Convention.  Phillip hasn't done much.

Cancel Tests for Beibs

   Seven schools in Norway pushed their midterms back as to not interfere with any Justin Beiber concerts.  If my Chinese test couldn't be pushed back two days a year and a half ago so I could go to Uproar, by no means should anything be cancelled for a JB concert.

Top 10 Best Covers of Queen Songs

   Queen is the greatest band ever.

   You can't find a band that spans more genres, sounds and generations than Queen.  Not only did they have the greatest male vocalist of all time, they had two other lead singers playing instruments in Brian May and Roger Taylor.  Each member brought something different to the table in terms of song writing as well.  Almost every artist will cite Queen as a great influence somewhere down the line.

  Without further adieu,  here is my top 10 list of the best Queen covers:

10: Valensia covering My Fairy King:  This song is obscure.  What would make Valensia want to cover it? The original recording is crisp and beautiful.  Valensia made it driving, powerful and overdubbed it to hell and back.  He gets bonus points for picking a song off of Queen's eponymous album.

9: Stevie Ann covering One Year of Love:  Who the hell is Stevie Ann?  Good question.  I never heard of her until I compiled this list.  Her cover is simple, sweet and laid back.  Dare I say it has a charming country feel to it?

8: Nine Inch Nails covering Get Down Make Love:  A YouTube user put it the best: "Queen made it sensual and hot. Nine Inch Nails makes it smoldering and sexy. So cool."  NIN also succeeded in completely molesting and perverting the song en route to making it beautiful.  

7: Lynch Mob covering Tie Your Mother Down:  Queen was an inspiration to many hair-metal bands.  Lynch Mob, a lesser known hair band did perhaps the best cover of Tie Your Mother Down (most of the headbangers did the same song anyway.)

6: Breaking Benjamin covering Who Wants to Live Forever:  Lose the suits and cut out the orchestra, the kettle drum and all the pretentious candles, and you get this wonderful, stripped-down cover.  I wish it had more Breaking Benjamin-esque harmonies.

5: Dwight Yoakum covering Crazy Little Thing Called Love:  He's so ugly, but this cover is creative.  Yoakam puts a 50's rockabilly swing to this Queen song and it works.  Freddie wasn't too pretty either.

4: Montserrat Cabelle and Bruce Dickinson covering Bohemian Rhapsody:  "How the hell did those two get together?" This is the same Bruce Dickinson from British metal giant Iron Maiden.  His soaring, tremulous voice is a beautiful complement to Montserrat Cabelle's operatic range.

3: Metallica covering Stone Cold Crazy:  Why can't all of Metallica's songs be under two minutes?  Stone Cold Crazy was a unique Queen song for its length (or lack-thereof) and its heaviness.  This song was such perfect fit for James Hetfield and co. that they won a Grammy for it.

2: My Chemical Romance and The Used covering Under Pressure: Though I remember this cover being played to death on the radio, it's the undisputed best studio cover of any Queen (and David Bowie) song.  MCR and the Used dedicated the live version of this song to the victims of the 2004 tsunami.

1: George Michael covering Somebody to Love (live):  The ultimate tribute to the late Freddie Mercury.  George Michael's cover is passionate, he hit the high note, (though not the run) and the choir of swaying, "praise-thuh-lawd" women to his back make for the best Queen cover.

Top 5 Sellouts of this Century

   Few things enrage music fans than seeing their favorite bands sellout.  Sales decline, record companies get impatient and artists get bored and the end result is a different, more mainstream musical direction.

5. Gwen Stefani/No Doubt:  When No Doubt was in their rock/ska/pop prime, Gwen Stefani was anything but sexy.  At times, one might mistake her for a man.  Years later into her solo career, she's shaking her ass. I blame American culture to a degree:  It isn't kind to homely women.

4. The Offspring:  How the hell did Noodles and the bunch go from "Why Don't You Get a Job" and "The Kids Aren't Alright" to the teary-eyed ballad "Kristy Are You Doing OK" and harmonic "Days Go By?"  There's no punk left in The Offspring.

3. Black Eyed Peas:  I don't think the Black Eyed Peas ever produced quality music.  Fans of the artist, and I use the term artist loosely, bemoan their The E.N.D album and their departure from hip-hop.

2. Green Day:  Years ago, I told my sister, a contemporary Green Day fan, "if they would have changed their  name and created a distinct separation from their old work, I would accept American Idiot."  Instead, Green Day's subject matter turned from smoking weed and jerking off to deeper, political topics between 2000 and 2004.

1. Linkin Park:  When I had a column in the Norwin Knight Krier, I ripped their new album apart.  Minutes to Midnight marked the end of the rapcore, synth driven, edgy sound of Meteora and Hybrid Theory and the  beginning of crowd pleasing ballads like Leave out All The Rest.  Their most recent album, 10,000 Suns appeals further to the masses and is complete shit.

Zune with the Wind

  Consider the word "Zune."  What comes to mind?  Archaic? Flop? 

   Microsoft released the "Zune," their best stab at an MP3 player seven or eight years ago.  It was thick, angular, black plastic device: Microsoft's "antiPod." The famous iPod wheel was a "squirkle," the Zune had a few more buttons, and the display was much darker.  The screws were prominant and the angles were sharp. Much to everyone's surprise, the Zune never took off. 

   Consumers continued buying iPods and Zune sales continued to lag until Zune introduced the Zune HD, desiged to compete with the iPod Touch.

   The HD was a complete failure and it marked the end of the Zune, as Microsoft discontinued their famous flop a few years ago.

   Why did it fail?  Did it suck that bad? 

   I owned two Zunes.  A first gen one like this:

And a second gen one like this:

   I also owned two iPod Touches.  One was stolen and I sold the other.  The Zunes were ok.  I felt so edgy being the only kid without an iPod.  Neither Zune outclassed the iPod.  My first Zune refused to turn on for some bizzarre reason, so I upgraded.  The new Zune worked for a few months and died as well. 

 

   The Zune paled in comparison to the iPod and is a classic example of the Apple takeover.  Sales never accounted for more than eight or nine percent of the total market for portable music players.  I wouldn't be surprised if some walkmans outsold the Zune.  The only reason to ever own a Zune is to take a sale away from Apple and appear edgy to your friends.

Lil Wayne's Condition Stable

 

 

   Lil Wayne remains in intensive care following an epileptic fit last week.  Reports say he listened to his own music for the first time and began to convulse.  His condition is no longer critical, much to my chagrin.  The music world would not mourn the passing of a codeine addicted, talent-less rapper who can't even play the guitar.  We can only pray that Kanye West, the gayest fish of all time is next.

 

 

Picture courtesy of newgrounds.com

Irwin Music

   Historic Irwin has some nice music.  Irwin's chapter of the Moose holds live music upstairs.  Main Street Music and the Music Room provide lessons just a couple hundred yards from each other.  The borough is trying to reopen the dilapidated Lamp Theater. Further down the street, Cafe Supreme offers live music.

   Cafe Supreme is divided into two levels:  The restaurant and the "down under."  Down under, they host birthday parties with DJs and other forms of live entertainment.  Every Wednesday evening holds an open mic night upstairs.

  A sharp divide exists among Cafe goers:  The old crowd, and the rough young crowd.  The older crowd loves the old jazz and blues fellow blue hairs croon to, while the young crowd, typically burnouts that just passed high school cheer on newer tunes.

  I performed at Cafe Supreme for the first time last Wednesday with my sister.  We performed right before fellow North Huntingdon guitarist/singer/recent graduate Cody Thornton.  Today, we return to Cafe Supreme,  armed with a couple new songs.

Music Shops in the Area

   Listed below are five well known music stores in the Irwin/Greensburg area:

Monroeville Guitar Center - Guitar Center is the Walmart of instrument stores.  GC's are slowly pushing the smaller stores out of business.  Guitar Center is also affiliated with Musician's Friend.

Vittone's - Vittones is located next to Gabriel Brothers, off of Route 30 in Greensburg and offers a variety of stringed and classical instruments, repairs and PA rentals.  Some of their prices are a little ridiculous.  I once paid $20 for a pack of Elixir Acoustic strings.

Cindy's Guitar Plus - Cindy's is also off of Route 30, located in the lower Plaza next to Phoenix Stadium 18 in North Versailles. I got my start at Cindy's and know the surly owner, Randy.  Cindy's also offers lessons, repairs and starter packs. 

Main Street Music - Formerly Swissvale Music, Main Street Music is now located on Main Street, Irwin.  They offer repairs, retail, rentals and lessons.

Progressive Music - Progressive is located on Walnut Street/Fifth Avenue/148 in McKeesport and was named one of the top 100 music stores nation wide.  They offer rentals, repairs and lessons.

Let me know if I left any stores out.

Middle Finger to Hand Signs

 

Photo courtesy of uncyclopedia.com

 

   The "metal horns" make me laugh.  The sign is so cliche.  How do edgey metal-heads justify ripping bands for being too mainstream, all-the-while, continuing to throw up this tired hand sign?  The whole "metal is the devil's music" drove its popularity in the seventies and eighties, but the genre is so watered down and the afforementioned hand sign is dead.

Best Ballads of the 21st Century

   Paraphrasing Mark Madden, top ten lists are for simpletons with ADHD, but people eat them up.  No one wants to read a two page rant on how much I hate pop music (no one wants to read period, let alone anything I write.)  However, people love lists.  They're simple, quick and they stir debate.  Without further adieu, here's my list of the top ten ballads of the last thirteen years.

   As with the term "anthem," the term "ballad" is subjective.  I view a ballad as a slow acoustic song:  A piano, an acoustic guitar, strings, light percussion and a narrative.  A ballad spins off of the song's meaning and emotional effect.  The primary instrument should be the voice.  A ballad can't be happy.

   Ballads are different from power ballads.  Power ballads are self-explanatory: Power ballads start slow and build up to heavier, more driving rhythms and instrumentation.  For power ballads, see songs like Breaking Benjamin's Give Me a Sign, SLIPKNOT's Snuff or Fuel's Hemorrhage.

10.  Seether's Broken:  I'm hesitant to put this song on my top since its full-band remakes overshadows this version.  At first, Broken was a simple ballad off of Disclaimer.  Later, frontman Shaun Morgan partnered with his girlfriend of the time, Evanescence's Amy Lee and remade Broken into a duet power ballad.

9.  Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss' Whiskey Lullaby:  Whiskey Lullaby is the most beautiful original to come out of country music this decade, hands down.  Paisley and Krauss' harmonic voices together are haunting.

8.  Tie: Kelly Clarkson's Because of You and Dixie Chicks' Travelin' Soldier:  Because of You tells the story of Kelly Clarkson's rough childhood.  Many people misinterpret the song as a beak-up song, but the meaning is much deeper and more personal.  Travelin' Soldier is among the saddest war songs of all time.  The narration tells the story of a waitress who meets a Vietnam-bound soldier who writes to her while he serves.  Later in the song, she finds out the soldier was killed.

7.  Christina Perri's Jar of Hearts:  I wish I could put this song higher.  This song was my guilty pleasure a few years ago when I could still tolerate Star 100.7.  Perri's husky, beautiful voice and harmonies still give me goosebumps.  While I admit she is stunning, I abhor the tattoos.

6.  Evanescence's My Immortal:  My Immortal is the most beautiful song on this list.  Truth be told, Amy Lee can top any "top ten best list" in music.

5.  Three Doors Down's Here Without You:  Three Doors Down never foresaw this song's success when they released it.  Its reception was helped in part by the Iraq war.  The song became an anthem  for grieving loved ones, families missing their soldiers overseas and troops missing families back home.  Peace sells, but so do war songs.  See: Toby Keith's The Angry American.

4.  Adele's Someone Like You:  The first thing my girlfriend said when I read her this list was "that song is so overplayed."  While I agree that the song was played to death, it's still beautiful.  Since no one can stand it anymore, here's a more tolerable cover by Walk off the Earth.

3.  Gary Jules' Mad World:  This song gained popularity from being played in Donnie Darko.  Gary Jules' Mad World is a cover of a Tears for Fears song.  Adam Lambert covered the song also, but no one did it as well as Jules.  The music video adds another dimension to the depression and hopelessness of the song.

2.  Rise Against's Hero of War:  Hero of War was inspired by the stories lead singer Mcllrath heard from returning soldiers.  It's a song that speaks of the horrors and traumas soldiers endure when they're overseas. The song is wrought with pain.  How would you feel if you murdered a little girl?

1.  Johnny Cash's Hurt:  The top ballad of this century is a cover of a Nine Inch Nails song.  This song will make you cry.  You will hurt with Cash.  It was the dying country star's final hit and is seen as his epitaph.

Honorable Mention:  Beck's Lost Cause, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds' O Children, Iron and Wine's Naked as We Come, Mumford and Son's White Blank Page

"I don't mean to be rude, but..."

   The most popular American talent show, American Idol is tumbling down Mt. Olympus and hitting every rock on the way.

   Idol debuted before the wave of inane reality shows hit and  became the most popular reality show in America, where it remained for more than a decade.  The show gained popularity as it permitted anyone to try his/her voice in front of a panel of judges in hopes of being crowned "the next American idol." Talented singers aside, viewers tuned in to see the surly British judge, Simon Cowell.

   Simon, the long lost fraternal twin of Gordon Ramsay, was infamous for his scathing criticisms and blunt honesty.  His harsh quips made the show more realistic and comedic.  Simon's brutality was often cushioned by fellow judge Paula "I don't do drugs" Abdul's liberal compliments and Randy "not part of the Jackson 5" Jackson's irrelevant, at times incoherent and unoriginal commentary.

   The trio (moreso Simon and Paula) continued interjecting occasional drama until 2010 when Cowell  jumped ship.  Afterwards, the ship hit an iceberg.  Randy remains on the show, but who cares anyway, dawg?

  Idol tried to replace the smug, wisecracking judge with a committee of washed-up singers/Ellen, listed below:

Kara DioGuardi:  She ended up being a better looking clone of Paula.  I don't recall one instance that she dealt appropriate criticism.

Ellen DeGeneres:  What the hell qualified Ellen to judge singing talent?  Her commentary was often rambling, circular and off-base.

Jennifer Lopez:  J-Lo was even nicer than Paula.  She was incapable of being mean.  She would break out in tears before she would tell a contestant that his/her voice sucked.

Steven Tyler:  Idol had to replace Simon and even Tyler's bandmates think he's an asshole.  Where did it go?  The washed up, effeminate frontman of Aerosmith treated Idol as his playground to direct off-topic, lewd and often creepy remarks towards attractive young performers.  Did I mention he looks like a grandmother?

Keith Urban:  Keith serves little purpose as a judge other than as eye candy.  He is hot, though.

Nikki Minaj:  As if her songs weren't bad enough, now we have to see the Roman ruhtard and hear her bumbling, idiotic and hormonal commentary.  On the flip side, who knows atrocious music better than Minaj?

   Idol's time in the sun is over.  Simon is irreplaceable and American Idol is adrift in a see of other bad talent shows.  Soon, a subservient Idol will bow before the X-Factor, the Voice, America's Got Talent and any other redundant shows to come out of the woodwork.

   Correction:  Mariah Carey is also a judge on American Idol.  Like most of America, I forgot she exists.

Top 10 Best Hard Rock Anthems

   What is an anthem to you?  Is it a song the defines your existence?  Is it what makes you headbang the hardest?  Is it the song that you crank when you hear it on Pandora?

   For me, an anthem is a song that I would blare at 2:00 in the morning with my windows rolled down in fifteen degree weather.  It's a middle finger.  It's a call to action.

   Loudwire already compiled a list of the top hard rock songs of this century.  They makes some good points, but not all of them are anthems.  Since I don't completely agree with their list, I compiled my own list of the top 10 anthems of this century.

10. Shinedown's Devour:  Devour is best known for being on the Madden Football 09 soundtrack.  The opening drum march prepares the listener for a hard, fast paced song.  Shinedown has so many excellent tracks,  but Devour is their closest anthem.

9. 30 Seconds to Mars's The Kill:  Has anyone seen this music video?  It's bizarre and creepy as hell.  Regardless, the song is artistic and unique, not to mention that it's still huge.  Can you believe this song is ten years old?

8. Tie - Drowning Pool's Bodies and Disturbed's Down with the Sickness:  My sister hates that I included these too songs because of how overplayed they are, so I listed these two driving hits together.  Both songs lead in with a whisper and have unforgettable hooks.  Who doesn't want to bang their heads when David commands you to "get up, come on get down with the sickness?"  On the other hand, Bodies is almost metal in its brutality.  While David tells you to get up, Dave Williams from Drowning Pool commands you to "let the bodies hit the floor."  And who can forget the growl/scream he unleashes towards the end?  Both songs kick ass.

7.  Rise Against's The Good Left Undone:  Rise Against never spares a poetic middle finger towards conservatism.  The Good Left Undone is fast paced and the lyrics state "All because of you/ I haven't slept in so long/ when I do I dream/ of drowning in the ocean/ longing for the shore/ where I can lay my head/ I'll follow your voice/ all you have to do is shout it."  Still with me?  There's a lot going on in this song, but it's fast, it's heavy and it's full of angst.

6. Atreyu's Falling Down:  Atreyu diehards will chastise me for featuring a song off of their 2007 album Lead Sails and Paper Anchors (post "sell-out.")  However, Falling Down has all the makings of an anthem, with its driving beat and catchy chorus.  If this was a "best heavy metal anthems" list, I would pick a different Atreyu song.

5. Andrew W.K.'s Party Hard:  I doubt everyone knows this song by name alone, but this song's refrain is unmistakable and the song is yet another Madden Football hit.  Party Hard is enough to make the Amish want to party.  And Andrew W.K. is serious about partying.  Just look at the cover art for I Get Wet.

Photo courtesy of wikipedia.org

4. Avenged Sevenfold's Bat Country:  From Sounding the Seventh Trumpet to Nightmare, it's almost impossible to pinpoint Avenged Sevenfold's best "anthem."  Inevitably, most will agree their best anthem is Bat Country.  The song, written about Las Vegas, is best known for its dueling guitar solo, which spans 58 seconds.  November Rain anyone?  Guitarist Synyster Gates even does a Youtube demo.

3. Evanescence's Bring Me to Life:  Singer Amy Lee managed to beat out all but two artists on this list:  Not bad for a girl singing hard rock.  This song is driving, heavy and emotional, like Adele in an Aston Martin.  If I'm not mistaken, I believe this was also one of the first songs to feature a rapper in a non-rap song, a precedent preceded by Linkin Park.  Not only does the guy rap, he sings and he growls.  Point for Gryffindor.

2. System of a Down's Chop Suey!  Chop Suey! is closing in on 150 million YouTube views on the official video alone.  It's featured on Rock Band and it still receives heavy rotation on hard rock stations, despite being twelve years old.

1. Three Days Grace's Riot:  My number one may come as a bit of a surprise, considering this song isn't even on loudwire's list.  You have to see this song played live.  It incites such a reaction, some venues used to ask Adam and Three Days Grace not to play it.  I've never seen a crowd mosh harder to a non-metal song then they did to Riot at Uproar two years ago.  Check it out.

   Deciding on only ten (technically eleven) great songs was a tall task.  My sister made a case for a few other songs as well, so I also compiled an honorary mention list:

Nine Inch Nails' The Hand that Feeds

Papa Roach's Last Resort/Lifeline

Disturbed's Ten Thousand Fists

Hollywood Undead's Undead

Rise Against's Prayer of the Refugee

Avenged Sevenfold's Almost Easy

Breaking Benjamin's Breath/just about anything else

Three Days Graces' Animal I have Become

Skillet's Awake and Alive

Bodyjar's Not the Same

Seether's Tonight/Rise above This

Guest blogger Colin: She was almost there

 

Photo courtesy of sadanduseless.com

 

   Here's Colin's blog on instrumentation:  Colin is also a music blogger from UPG and he tries out a variety of instruments.

   "$25 million gone. Lady Gaga had to cancel the rest of her 'Born This Way
Ball' tour, and that is how much money is expected to be lost. 22

   22 shows were left and now Gaga gets to spend her days in surgery. She is
suffering from a hip injury called synovitis, which is s sever
inflammation of the joints.

   It is a shame to see this 26-year old pop star suffer from this condition.
Then again, some of you may be happy to see her cancel her tour that has
been going on for almost a year now.

   98 concerts were supposed to take place and with 22 left, her body told
her no. But you can't blame her, she was born that way."

Further commentary from Kramer:  I'm delighted to hear this news.  Now I don't have to take my girlfriend to see Lady Gaga.

Temper Temper, Time to Implode

   Bullet (or Boolit if you're British) For My Valentine just released their fourth studio album, Temper Temper.

   The metalcore group out of rural Wales stayed quiet after the release of their 2010 album Scream Aim Fire.  They toured most of the states and Europe before retiring to the studio to work on their follow up album.

   Scream Aim Fire had its bright spots.  The head-banging title track Scream Aim Fire with an impressive breakdown. Ashes of the Innocent still "sends shivers down my spine." Waking the Demon can escalate anyone's heart rate.  It also has its obligatory benign ballads like Hearts Burst into Fire and Forever and Always.  All and all, it was a good album and tough act to follow.

   Unfortunately, Temper Temper falls pretty flat.  Gordan Ramsay would say "it's so bland."  There's no originality in it.

   I can't take the title track seriously.  The refrain is "temper temper, time to explode."  This looks like an attempt to capture the same teenage angst so aptly bottled in Waking the Demon.  The thought of a thirty year old man losing his religion is not edgy.  It's sad and immature.  There's anger management for that.

   Then you have Riot.  The song isn't all that heavy and the chorus wails "riot! whoaaaaa."  I wonder how long it took them to think up those lyrics. It's another sad attempt at a teenage anthem/radio hit.

   All and all, it sounds like Bullet's out of ideas, so they're recycling the same stuff that used to work off of Scream Aim Fire.  It sounds over done and vanilla now.  What a shame.

   What happened to songs like Hand of Blood and Hit the Floor?  They should have tried to recapture that sound.  This is what classic Bullet sounds like and what they need to go back to:

Tuxedo Junction's Manager Gets a Promotion

   Shortly after his twenty-second birthday and my announced resignation from 3 Way Street, Chuck, my friend and former drummer, received a call to try out as local country artist Frank Vieira's drummer.  A few days later, Chuck got some good news.  He posted a status earlier today, saying:

"Looks like im [sic] the new drummer for country artist Frank Vieira. My first show with the band is April 13th at The Hard Rock Cafe in Station Square! We will be opening for East Coast Turnaround! See you all there!"

   I cannot begin to express how proud I am of Chuck and how hard I'm pulling for him.  Chuck is an excellent young drummer who will continue to improve, especially now that he's surrounded by other talented, driven musicians.

  Chuck's departure also can't bode well for 3 Way Street.  The band lost its front man and second guitarist as well as its drummer within days of each other.  Looks like it's back to the drawing boards for the Speranza brothers.

   Congrats, Chuck.

Grammys gives even more awards this year

   Here's a list of all the Grammy winners

   To be clear, I don't give a damn about the Grammys.  At the same time, I hate the idea that everyone deserves a trophy.  I also hate most of the artists/songs that won. 

   While I refused to watch this year's Grammys, I heard mumblings that the Black Keys did well.  Another trophy?  That must be a pretty hollow victory for the sue-happy group.  The Black Keys took Pinnacle Entertainment, Pizza Hut and the Home Depot to court last year over almost-copyright infringement.  How dare someone try to mimic a sound that's atrocious to begin with.

   Even  I was nominated for a Grammy for Best New Undergraduate Music Blog at a Satellite Campus in Western Pa.  I'm honored.

   I'm also disturbed that Fun's "We Are Young" won song of the year.  Perhaps people haven't realized that the track is about domestic violence.  Also, "We Are Young,"  is a terrible song.  Its hook is boring, its tempo changes are completely unnecessary, the chorus has nothing to do with the verses, it's a poor attempt at yet another teenage anthem, It's about beating your girlfriend.

   A few more sub-par songs won a Grammys, but they aren't worth discussing.  Yet again, I'm disappointed in the state of the music industry and the standard of music as a whole.

Breaking up Is Hard To Do

   Why do bands break up?  Let's take a look at some notable break-up/line-up changes in the last year:

- Breaking Benjamin fires their guitarist and bassist over making "unauthorized and unilateral decisions."

- Deuce leaves/gets kicked out of Hollywood Undead over a lot of nonsense.  Things got ugly.

- Adam leaves Three Days Grace over some disagreements following an illness.

- Ryan reisgns from Funeral for a Friend to focus more on parenting.

- Jet splits.

- Swedish House Mafia breaks up, stating the desire to "do something different."

- INXS is finally calling it quits.

- Bon Iver is taking a break.

  A few more bands not worth mentioning either kicked members out or called it quits.
  

 What makes this relevant?  Well, my band, 3 Way Street is undergoing a lineup change:  I'm quitting.  I don't want to put all of our business out there, but the reasons were mostly mine.  We have different goals and agendas and I feel that I need to play with some new people.

 

Musical Memes

Disclaimer:  It's pronounced "meem."  Not may-may.  That's mandarin for little sister.  There's a big difference.

 Photo courtesy of chzbgr.com

 You don't say!  Despite being a self-proclaimed metal head, I crusade against down tuning (the act of loosening strings to get a deeper sound and to play faster.)   Metal guitarists have given up trying to distinguish themselves for skill, prowess, stage presence etc. and now distinguish themselves trying to play the most down tuned guitar with the most strings. 

   Down tuning passes its point of diminishing returns after you down tune past a whole step.  After that, it gets silly.  It's like those little competitions people had in middle school to see who could drink the most monster, or who could own the most studded belt:  Everyone on the outside looking in finds this little competition inane and idiotic.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you OC.  This forced meme is relevant to the Summer Celebration.

 

Four Follies and Counting

   Once again, hard rock loses out to pop.

   In four attempts at Norwin's Got Talent, Emmarie and I are 0 for 4.  Emmarie isn't dwelling on her most recent unfruitful attempt.  I, however, am pretty pissed about this one.

   I'll keep the sour grapes brief:  Her performance was excellent.  It was air-tight.  For the work I put into her backing track, the practice and the time she put into it, the performance was largely forgotten.  The judges were unimpressed and the remaining audience members were indifferent.

   This trend really frustrates people like me.  We watch act after act take the stage, singing Adele and T-Swift, song after song.  Only so many Adeles and Taylor Swifts can exist.  For a society that celebrates differences, it fails to show it, musically.

   The fact of the matter is people fear the music they're not spoonfed.  We idolize talentless artists people idiots like Nikki Minaj, Kanye West, Lil Kim etc. because that's what we're expected to like. 

Getting It

   Musicianship requires a unique common sense and I'm sure Colin would agree with me.  Telling a fellow musician he "gets it" is the highest compliment I could pay him.

   To "get it" means possessing the requisite amount of musical sense to adjust and improvise within a song.  It also refers to how quickly a musician can learn and perform a song correctly.  A guitarist who "gets it" can predict the next chord or even make up a solo on the spot.  A drummer who "gets it" can adjust his speed to match tempo changes and fill the spaces between verses and choruses with fills and blasts.  A bass player who "gets it"......is still a bassist.

   I used to pay this compliment to Chuck, our drummer.  His changes in dynamics and tempo, his fills and transitions and his adjustments used to confound me before I came to expect such a high level from him.  Having performed with other, less gifted percussionists in the past, I felt Chuck was the only one who "got it."

   This evening, my charismatic friend trotted down the road to my house, brand new bass in hand and asked to "jam" with me.  I sat him down, gave him instructions and started playing.  Much to my surprise, he was able to keep with me for the most part.  It was clicking. He got it.  He has a bright future ahead of him if he sticks with the instrument.  Unfortunately, the talent ceiling for bass is pathetically low.

Importance of Collaborations

   Last Saturday was a huge success for Chris, Ziggy and me.  Chris has no voice, we all made a few bucks and Ziggy got his "number one fan's" number.  We played close to thirty songs to mostly positive reviews.  Due to the success we had, I reached out to a band fronted by a fellow UPG student, NeVeRBeTTeR.  Their frontman, Chad and I will collaborate for a three hour set at Hookah Connection near the end of March.  We should have a date by the end of the week. 

   We're hoping this collaboration will be a much-needed stepping stone into concert season for both 3 Way Street and Never Better.  If all goes as planned, we'll be considered "associated acts" and have more success in booking shows better venues.  If we don't start early, we might be stuck just playing a handful of grad parties and a couple festivals again.

The Stupid Bowl

   He said it right:  The Halftime Show is getting worse and worse every year.  In the past few years, we've had to endure the likes of Nikki Minaj, M.I.A. and the Black Eyed Peas.  Does it get much worse?

   The Halftime Show is almost like the State of the Union.  In the 80's, we had tributes to Motown and Brill Building.  Now what?  Our standard of music has plummeted dramatically if the most watched performance all year will be by Beyonce.  Please, Superbowl Halftime Planning Commission:  Get your collective heads out of your asses and put a decent act onstage.  

  And no Patrick, The Rollings Stones are not a decent act.  Neither is Aerosmith.

Defence of Metalsy

   Metal polarizes people.  While I view this macro-genre as an acquired taste, others see it as ear-grating noise.

   So, what don't people like about metal?

   The vocals:  Detractors of heavy metal music start their bashing with the vocals/screams/growls.  While I won't even attempt to advocate for the abrasive singing and guttural groans, the brutality of the vocals is integral to the overall sound of the music.  It's specialization, as with country.  Surprisingly, metal singing requires dynamic, rangy voices to sand out the low-end growls and hit the soaring high notes.

   The message:  Metal is often wrongly associated with Satanism.  While a sub-genre or two associate with Satanic messages, the vast majority do not.  More often, metal lyricists write about about war and politics, partying, sex, violence and drugs.  The rough, edgy purpose corresponds with the brutal sound and the message doesn't differ greatly from rap and hip hop.

   The sound:  The most unfairly criticized aspect of metal is the instrumentation.  Some say there's too much bass or too much crash.  Keener critics point out that the guitars are tuned too low, to the point of being unrecognizable.  Contrarily, metal musicians are among the finest in the business.  The genre attracts the most technical guitarists and bassists and the fasted drummers.  Additionally, unlike pop, the sounds of metal are genuine and produced with true instruments played by living, breathing musicians.

   The image:  Women moreso than men find issues with a band's aesthetic image. The first thing my girlfriend noticed about Lamb of God was that all the members were ugly.  Their hair was too long and looked dirty.  They looked either fat or emaciated.  Their t-shirts were tattered and grungy.  While the aforementioned stereotypes occasionally hold true, a bands physical attractiveness has no musical relevance.  True appreciators of music discount artists' outward appearances unless the artist is Taylor Swift whom I admire purely on an aesthetic level.

   Taking my rebuttals of the common misconceptions into account, why do you still hate metal?

 

Stage-Rage: Causes and Prevention

   Stage-Rage:  The emotion associated with unceremoniously exiting a venue.

   Causes for stage-rage: 

Bad soundchecks - Balance is important.  Poor balance between sounds can turn a good performance bad.  Perhaps a guitar isn't turned up the whole way.  Other times the drums drown out the singer.  It's important that the sound guy balances and mixes all the channels correctly.

"Forget this.  I can't even hear myself."

Reduced time slot - Sometimes, owners pull the plug on an act that's tanking quickly.  Other times, an artist goes beyond its allotted time.  Either way, nobody wants his/her time cut short.

"You're going to give me ONE FUCKING MINUTE?  You've gotta be fucking kidding me."

Poor security - Security is responsible not only for making sure everyone in the crowd is behaving themselves, but that the artists are safe as well.  Rewind to 2004.  Security failed to catch a deranged fan before he jumped onstage and murdered Pantera guitarist "Dimebag" Darrell Abbot.  Artists even take matters into their own hands in spite of bad security.  A few years ago, Randy Blythe of Lamb of God was accused of manslaughter when he pushed a fan off stage.  Security failed to stop the fan the previous two times he jumped onstage.

"Thanks to the lame-ass security, I'm going home."

Cantankerous crowd - The paying public knows what it wants.  They can quickly turn on an act that's boring, combative or performs poorly.

"Up to you.  Do you want to hear some rock 'n roll or do you wanna go home?  See ya."

   As you can see, many of the greatest artists of the last couple decades are guilty of stage-rage.  Actually, I'm willing to bet every band, at one point, falls victim to stage rage.  One can proactively prevent the onset of stage-rage by being friendly and engaging with the paying fans, being kind to the owner and sound people, preparing a good playlist and, most of all, BEING PREPARED FOR THE EVENT.

Those Kicks / Final Practices before Saturday

   Sometimes you get a song out of your head, which is normal.  Ever go on a kick?  It's a little different from singing one song, perserveratingly.

   I've had an Atreyu song stuck in my head all day.  That's typical of me.  I listen to Atreyu on Pandora everytime I go to the gym.

   I'm on a little bit of a different kick, though:  I'm on a huge System kick.

   I just can't get enough of System of a Down, lately.  I eat and breath System.  I'm humming a System song every day.  Oddly enough, while practicing in Village Hall last night with Chris and Ziggy, Ziggy's friend even asked me to play Hypnotize, posted below.

 

  

   I played the song on Music Choice just last week.  The family member who relinquished the remote always enjoys/is intriqued by the harder stuff I listen to, up to Lamb of God.  The growling is off-putting to him.  He hates System, though.  Serj's voice is ear-grating to him.  Ironically, Serj looks a bit like Brian May, the guitarist of Queen:  the band he worships.  Jolly 'ol Bri is posted below.

 

 

 

 

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   As previously mentioned, Chris, Ziggy and I went through our penultimate practice last night in Village Hall.  We covered the half dozen songs Chris and Ziggy play and about ten songs 3 Way Street plays.  I introduced two originals, "It Doesn't Matter" and an Adam Sandler-sounding screw-off song, "Maijuana."  Chris introduced three originals that I cannot wait to play.  Practice took forever and at one point, Vince, Scott and their friend stopped by and Vince co-opted me to teach him a lick on guitar. 

 

   Correction about the Hookah show:  We play from 8:00 pm till late.  NOT 9, AS I MISTAKENLY SAID IN MY LAST POST.

   



Three Way Street Live Acoustic this Saturday

   Be sure to catch Chris and me at the Hookah Connection this Saturday from 9:00 pm till late.  HC is located behind Westmoreland Mall, next to Buffalo Wild Wings.  The cover is $10 and includes Hookah.

Song Writing

 
   How the hell did Randy Newman do it?  How did he write so many songs?

   I've been playing guitar since the seventh grade:  I'm not a mathematician, but that's a good amount of time for a nineteen year old.  What do I have to show for it?  I'm part of quirky band of geniuses.  I have more than a few melodies and accompaniments.  I wrote a three part harmony to "Happy Birthday" for God sakes.  Yet, I have no real songs written.  What the hell?

   I wrote a handful of "songs" two semesters ago in my engaging Ethics class.  They've all gone missing, much to my chagrin.  Perhaps my life lacks the requisite excitement to properly write a song.

   Hopefully, a breakthrough is on the horizon.  While my adjunct stats professor went over practice problem after practice problem, I scribbled some words down to a simple four-chord progression.  Suddenly, the words began to flow.  I was writing a story.  Without going into great detail, the words resonated with me.  I'll unveil the song to Chris and Ziggy tomorrow afternoon at our practice studio and to the public this Saturday at the Hookah Connection at 9:00 pm. 

Norwin's Got Talent con't.

   At 8:00 pm Wednesday night, the night before Norwin's Got Talent's final dress rehearsal, Norwin's surly principal kindly informed us of a policy change.  Apparently, Norwin alumni like myself are no longer allowed to help their younger siblings in their talent show skits.  The timing couldn't have been more annoying.

   Emmarie and I were faced with a choice:  Either Emmarie had to rely on a YouTube karaoke version of her song, or I had to record her a backing track.  Obviously, we chose the latter.  Emmarie is exponentially more comfortable performing with my sound backing her up.  She's accustomed to it.

   So, I went to work.  Track after track, I cut, deleted and mixed guitar after guitar.

   Suddenly, my basement transformed into a studio.

True to my ghetto nature, I did it all with the free, open source software Audacity.

   Two hours later, I had a satisfactory track.

Don't share this video:  I'm giving Emmarie an unfair advantage as it is.

Practice Problems

   Requisite practice time is rare.  Oftentimes, 3 Way Street takes the stage with little to no preparation.  We are masters of improv; like athletes performing despite having not practiced all week or models that have yet to try on their clothes.

   All four members work.  Chuck works full time and then some.  Chris, JJ and I are full time students and three of us have significant others as well.  It seems the four of us spend more time whining about lack of practice time than we do organizing actual rehearsals.

   How is practice time usually spent?  We typically run through our songs a few times.  We make fun of each other.  Then we wrestle.  Then we usually end up drunk.  One of us is typically throwing up in the bathroom, another wants to sleep and the other two are giggling like intoxicated hyenas.

   Such is life as a small, local band.

   I fully acknowledge underage drinking is a crime and neither I nor 3 Way Street condone the underage consumption of intoxicating beverages.

Rock on the Range

   The lineup for Rock on the Range was announced this morning, and for the upteempth time, I find myself marvelling at the bands.  The organizers for ROR always seem to pull in most of hard rocks top acts.  Let's run through this year's more notable groups:


The metal bands:

American death metal super-heavy weight Lamb of God.  I had the fortune of seeing them for the second time back in November.  Randy Blythe and co. always put on good show as long as they're not incarcerated or being deported.

Swedish death metal giant In Flames.  I saw In Flames while they were still relatively unknown to me and came away impressed.

Welsh metalcore stars Bullet for My Valentine.  Since they harmonize and overdub everything, Bullet never sounds as good live as they do on the album.  I had the fortune of seeing them at Uproar two years ago as the first of four headliners. They were good but forgettable.

American heavy metal band All That Remains.  I swear ATR comes to Pittsburgh annually yet I still miss them.  They're not getting away this time.  An interesting side note:  My girlfriend nearly bought me tickets to see ATR for their most recent Pittsburgh date but ultimately decided on Lamb of God tickets. 

Asking Alexandria.  I don't particularly care for them or their following of edgy eighth graders.

The grunge bands:

The ashes of Alice in Chains.  The former grunge heavy weight still sounds good despite losing lead singer Layne Staley a decade ago.  Alice in Chains will also make a stop in Pittsburgh en route to Rock on the Range.

A resurgent Bush.  Either you love Bush or you hate Bush.  I just so happen to love them.  They released "Sound of Winter" about a year and a half ago and should be wrapping up their supporting tour.

A washed up Soundgarden.  Grunge fans like me cringe as they listen to Soundgarden's newest material.  It's rough.  It's just not Soundgarden.

Smashing Pumpkins.  I admit I haven't kept up with the Pumpkins.

Also rounding out the headliners:  Papa Roach, Sevendust, A Day to Remember, Cheap Trick, Sick Puppies, Skillet, Buckcherry, Black Veil Brides, Halestorm

Several exciting one hit wonders, too: Oleander, Volbeat, Middle Class Rut

More borderline irrelevant bands that I'm not going to list.

Here's where it gets interesting!

   Three Days Grace is also headlining.  If you read my post a few days back about the demise of Three Days Grace, they're a band worth watching.  The singer of My Darkest Days will be filling in for Adam.

   Hollywood Undead will also perform.  As will Deuce.  Indeed, the solo artist that is currently suing his former band will share a venue with them.  I'm not sure what to expect, but I welcome the drama:  It makes for a good storyline.

Preferences and Nuances of Guitarists

   Guitarists like myself are usually the most particular member of the band when it comes to equipment.  They're hyper-sensetive about the brand and model of guitar they use, the brand and gauge of strings, the brand and wattage of amplifiers, the types of pedals and EQ's, even the cables.

   For people like me (and Chris) with limited budgets, we can't always afford to be overly picky about our equipment.  I like Fender guitars.  I own two of them.  They're affordable and tough.  I prefer Gibsons, though.  Gibsons START around $800 and reach $3,000 for some custom models.  Chris uses the same Yamaha Stratocaster he's always used as well as an Ibanez ES-335 model.

   Amplification-wise, I like Peavey.  Peavey is a rugged, American made brand.  It's not always flashy but their models are well put together.  I have a Peavey 15 watt I lent to a friend to practice with and two Peavey 100 watt cabinets driven by a Peavey CS 800 X power amplifier.  Chris uses a Peavey Viper 75 watt that he seems to like well enough.

   I am the pickiest when it comes to strings.  While Chris prefers to use cheaper strings that he can change quickly and buy in bulk, I will only use Elixirs.  Elixirs are known for their nanoweb coating which prolongs string life three to five times that of normal strings.  See why?